The Beauty Of The World Has Disappeared: Alexis Arguello

I keep hurting and I say, Alexis, you have to stay here. Id make my family rich if I were to die. Theyd get three million dollars if I were to disappear. They want me here, but Im lonely in the world. Even my wife knows that, she senses it. I cant do it. I wish I could. I wish I could, Jesus Christ, leave this place. What can I do in this world? Make money? I dont want money. I already spent twenty years on top of the world. Money is nothing. Money is bullshit. I have invested two million dollars. It doesnt mean shit. Look, with so little Im happy.

My kids, my wife, happy. If I want a drink, Ill drink. What else can I do? We come here for a reason. God wants me to be here, and I have to be here as long as he wants me, for a reason. You know, we lose courage sometimes because we are human beings. There are so many wrong things going on in the world, so how can I behave? I dont want to keep living because I know there are so many wrong things and I know that people can do better. Like my country. This country wanted the war because they wanted to sell weapons. I see those things and I get disenchanted. The beauty of the world has disappeared.

Alexis Arguello, to Peter Heller, late 1980s. 

Originally posted 7/2009


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