EXCLUSIVE: New Floyd Mayweather Jr. Rap Lyrics!

(Las Vegas, Nevada. The Cruelest Sport has managed to obtain an advance copy of the new Floyd Mayweather Jr. rap single, “All Roads Lead,” via an anonymous source at Philthy Rich Records. Our source, who we will call Mr. Press Release, handed over a cassette in exchange for some Magic Cards and a Manny Pacquiao t-shirt. )

ALL ROADS LEAD

Cha-ching! Cha-ching, the bling-bling of the ring,
You know you wanna see me when I’m doing my thing,
Between the ropes I make them dopes feel breezy,
Quick twitch muscles, kid, I make it easy.
Uppercut, left hook, might even try the bolo,
Hero with the zero, the black Han Solo,
The real half-man, the real half-amazing,
Everywhere I go you know the shit that I be raising:
Cain, all y’all, raise it up like a crane,
Try to get live and you’ll be catching a migraine,
Ask XXX-L, roly-pol Ricky Hatton:
I lit that bloke up like Times Square in Manhattan,
Dumped him headfirst into the motherfucking turnbuckle,
the Union Jack was seeing stars an’ smelling honeysuckle,
And don’t forget how I trumped O. De La Hoya,
I kicked that ass around like an empty can of Goya.
An’ Shitty Shane M’ll never touch my tax brack,
When I wax that ass, I’ll let him carry my spit back.
Manny Pac’s whack, ya’ll, I call him “Mr. Bozak,”
I’ll smack that ass swift with my lyrical blackjack.
See? You must be half-blind to keep knockin’ my grind,
Now I’m here to let ya know, to remind, so rewind…

*

(CHORUS)

P-4-P till I take my last breath,
The only thing I fear is the A-Side Meth,
Your style is AOK, my shit is TKO,
Keep hatin’ on a fighter who is 40 and O.
So clap your hands and shout it out together:
All roads lead to Money Mayweather.

*
How now cash cow, get busy like Weebay.
What about my Segway? Yeah, I put it on E-bay,
The IRS hex, likes to vex, gives me stress,
But my manse is paid for–so stay out of my business.
Shitty Shane M got no pot to piss in,
Lost all his paper to a lady named Jin-Jin,
And I don’t give a fuck about that HGH Pino,
If he steps to this I’ll sweep him up like El Nino,
Squash him mad quick like a bruised maraschino,
He’s low-risk, yo, an’ I never play Keno-
Strictly High—roll in case you‘re out of the know,
I’m as cool as Pacino when I stroll through the casino.
Out in Sin-Sin my C-notes are willy nilly,
What about RA and that sucka Freck Billy?
Got more self love than there’s love in all of Philly,
Keep payin’ my bills y’all by swinging on my willie!
What’s it feel like—huh?–to be The Uno,
Hard jocked, son, from Cliffs of Dover, umm, all the way to Junot.
It’s the price I pay to be the G-O-A-T,
See, Muhammad Ali was stoked on PED,
Same with Sugar Ray, yo, the defense rests!
That’s why I woke one a.m. trippin’on blood tests.

(CHORUS)

P-4-P till I take my last breath,
The only thing I fear is the A-Side Meth,
Your style’s AOK, my shit is TKO,
Keep hatin’ on a fighter who is 40 and O.
So clap your hands and shout it out together:
All roads lead to Money Mayweather.

Human Beat Box: Leonard Ellerbe

Fade Out

*****

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Tags: Floyd Mayweather Jr. Freck Billy Manny Pacquiao Mr. Press Release Rap Lyrics Satire For Those Who Are Easily Taken Shane Mosley

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