EXCLUSIVE: New Floyd Mayweather Jr. Rap Lyrics!


(Las Vegas, Nevada. The Cruelest Sport has managed to obtain an advance copy of the new Floyd Mayweather Jr. rap single, “All Roads Lead,” via an anonymous source at Philthy Rich Records. Our source, who we will call Mr. Press Release, handed over a cassette in exchange for some Magic Cards and a Manny Pacquiao t-shirt. )

ALL ROADS LEAD

Cha-ching! Cha-ching, the bling-bling of the ring,
You know you wanna see me when I’m doing my thing,
Between the ropes I make them dopes feel breezy,
Quick twitch muscles, kid, I make it easy.
Uppercut, left hook, might even try the bolo,
Hero with the zero, the black Han Solo,
The real half-man, the real half-amazing,
Everywhere I go you know the shit that I be raising:
Cain, all y’all, raise it up like a crane,
Try to get live and you’ll be catching a migraine,
Ask XXX-L, roly-pol Ricky Hatton:
I lit that bloke up like Times Square in Manhattan,
Dumped him headfirst into the motherfucking turnbuckle,
the Union Jack was seeing stars an’ smelling honeysuckle,
And don’t forget how I trumped O. De La Hoya,
I kicked that ass around like an empty can of Goya.
An’ Shitty Shane M’ll never touch my tax brack,
When I wax that ass, I’ll let him carry my spit back.
Manny Pac’s whack, ya’ll, I call him “Mr. Bozak,”
I’ll smack that ass swift with my lyrical blackjack.
See? You must be half-blind to keep knockin’ my grind,
Now I’m here to let ya know, to remind, so rewind…

*

(CHORUS)

P-4-P till I take my last breath,
The only thing I fear is the A-Side Meth,
Your style is AOK, my shit is TKO,
Keep hatin’ on a fighter who is 40 and O.
So clap your hands and shout it out together:
All roads lead to Money Mayweather.

*
How now cash cow, get busy like Weebay.
What about my Segway? Yeah, I put it on E-bay,
The IRS hex, likes to vex, gives me stress,
But my manse is paid for–so stay out of my business.
Shitty Shane M got no pot to piss in,
Lost all his paper to a lady named Jin-Jin,
And I don’t give a fuck about that HGH Pino,
If he steps to this I’ll sweep him up like El Nino,
Squash him mad quick like a bruised maraschino,
He’s low-risk, yo, an’ I never play Keno-
Strictly High—roll in case you‘re out of the know,
I’m as cool as Pacino when I stroll through the casino.
Out in Sin-Sin my C-notes are willy nilly,
What about RA and that sucka Freck Billy?
Got more self love than there’s love in all of Philly,
Keep payin’ my bills y’all by swinging on my willie!
What’s it feel like—huh?–to be The Uno,
Hard jocked, son, from Cliffs of Dover, umm, all the way to Junot.
It’s the price I pay to be the G-O-A-T,
See, Muhammad Ali was stoked on PED,
Same with Sugar Ray, yo, the defense rests!
That’s why I woke one a.m. trippin’on blood tests.

(CHORUS)

P-4-P till I take my last breath,
The only thing I fear is the A-Side Meth,
Your style’s AOK, my shit is TKO,
Keep hatin’ on a fighter who is 40 and O.
So clap your hands and shout it out together:
All roads lead to Money Mayweather.

Human Beat Box: Leonard Ellerbe

Fade Out

*****

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Tags: Floyd Mayweather Jr. Freck Billy Manny Pacquiao Mr. Press Release Rap Lyrics Satire For Those Who Are Easily Taken Shane Mosley

  • JDL

    I was already laughing out loud when I read “Magic cards” & “Quick twitch muscles”, but I lost it when “Weebay” came outta nowhere! Ha!

  • johnpaulfutbol

    Fucking hell, were you hitting the absinthe when you wrote this? I’ll need an upgrade on my own muse, Scotch…it looks. You’ve definitely raised the stakes with this one. “Mr. Bozak”, very nice!

    I’m glad I ran accross this post, my frown is now upside down….however, I’m still not inspired to comment on that Froch.Kessler fight though!

    Off topic, but, can you explain to me where the technical skill of Arreola is that I hear about whenever he fights? Maybe it’s lost on me, or I don’t know nearly as much about boxing as I’d thought….which isn’t saying much. Or perhaps all his technical skill goes the way of the dodo when he begins to gas after the opening bell…?

    • Carlos Acevedo

      Hi JPF,

      Ahh, you didn’t know I could rap, huh? Wait until I introduce boxing haiku….You know, TCS has a rep, a very small one, of course, for being “harsh” and “grim” (did you see the comment from the anonymous sadsack.com writer who railed on me without a clue?), but I like to have fun once in a while, too.

      What’s up with the Kessler-Froch fight? You don’t like it when a decent fight is called FOY and an instant classic?

      As for Arreola, he’s a nice guy, has heart, etc., but he can’t fight a lick, and he made a light heavyweight brawler, Adamek, look like Wilfred Benitez. The fight wasn’t close, but lots of folks are impressed by a jiggly fat man racing around the ring and flailing away. He got bloodied, bruised and swollen by a guy who has weighed as low as 174 in his career and has never been known as a defensive wizard. I thought the fight was a joke when it was announced–another small guy for Arreola to push his weight around against–but the joke was on Arreola in the end. He’ll be back against another tomato can soon for HBO money…

      His great boxing skills and quick twitch muscles remain in the imaginations of self-professed experts who think that by repeating something stupid over and over again it will become “fact.” Anyway, let me stop, I don’t want anyone from a “high traffic” site to get on here, affronted, and leave poorly written, hypocritical, erroneous, and plain old dopey comments on TCS. They will just say, in broken sentences, that I have no talent.

      • johnpaulfutbol

        To be honest, I didn’t know you could rap…..but, I’m also not surprised!

        You got me to go back and find that “comment” by the dude from sadsack.com. LMAO, you shut that guy down! I’m not the sharpest tool, but, what did your post have to do with Saddo?

        Yeah, you nailed it re: Froch/Kessler! Had a real hard time getting as excited as most people seemed to over that one. To make matters worse, I found a stream and sat in front of my computer monitor watching it live….the payoff never came.

        Thanks for the insight on the “Nightmare”…I really don’t dislike him. But, the hype gets annoying at times. Your reply could just about function as a write up on the reality of what happened on Saturday night.

        Anytime I can get some insight, entertainment and a chuckle or two in one stop…it’s a big win for the JPF! So, keep being “harsh” and “grim” …not every album needs to receive 3.5 stars. I

        • Carlos Acevedo

          The sadsackboxing.com guy took offense to the last section of Sound & Fury where I poked a little fun at one of their posts. Nothing major, of course, but enough to get this dude irate. And I understand if he was offended at me ribbing his mate, and if he left it at that I would have been like “You’re right, I’m sorry, etc.,” but he decided he was going to leave a comment so dimwitted that it only proves what I’ve been saying about a lot of these sites. And he gets all worked up about BoxingScheme.com, too. Hmmm, maybe he writes drivel for both websites. But I made the mistake of actually looking at sadsackboxing.com and saw that 80% of its content is by “Press Release!” And this guy has the nerve to talk about talent? Maybe he’ll get back to me on my offer after Press Release has written something for him.

          Every now and then I post stuff on other places –The Boxing Bulletin, The Queensberry Rules, Boxing Insider, etc.–to spread the word, and I actually looked at sadsackboxing.com (and I think I might have even registered with the forum), but decided that the site was below average, and I try not to associate TCS with poor content. Mr. Sadsack is unaware that TCS is a choice, and long ago I could have been writing for “high traffic” sites regularly, too.

          Kessler-Froch (are you trying to say something by referring to it as Froch/Kessler) was a good fight, but that’s just not enough for some folks. I immediately thought of how Gus Johnson is raked over the coals, called for to be fired, etc, for his screaming and melodramatics, and these guys are doing the exact same thing in print/cyberspace. Kessler actually “turned back the clock,” according to one account. Anyway, it’s like this: some of these jokers shit on promoters, announcers, boxers, Tweets of boxers, managers, networks, etc….but who is shitting on them?

          Arreola is a multimillionaire, and the best fighter he’s ever beaten was….Chazz Witherspoon? More power to him….

          I try to make sure JPF keeps winning big here….