SOUND & FURY: Pacquiao-Clottey Afterthoughts, A Talent For Disappearing, Woeful Undercards, Jim Lampley Stricken by Brain Fever, Telefutura Returns to the Scene of the Crime & TCS Offers to Fact Check for Boxingscene.com

Not many thought Joshua Clottey, who used the “hide in plain sight” strategy against Manny Pacquiao in Dallas, Texas, would score an upset over the best fighter in the world, but his meek performance certainly puts to rest his chances of ever being considered an elite boxer. He simply does not have the psychological make-up to beat the very best fighters. Clottey, who appeared fearful of getting countered, did not use his jab, barely bothered doubling his left hook, and rarely threw his right uppercut. It is difficult to say when Clottey first decided to slip into survival mode, but his negative body language between rounds after the fourth seems as good a place to start as any. Clottey simply shook his head “no” when Lenny De Jesus implored him to take risks and relied instead on his talent for disappearing. And this despite the fact that Clottey landed several jarring uppercuts on the inside and the occasional straight right. Despite his performance, or lack of one, Bob Arum will recycle him again soon. Now it is up to the public to collectively shake its head whenever Clottey steps into the ring again.

*****

As for Pacquiao, he wanted war and Clottey wanted detente. Under those circumstances, there was really nothing Pacquiao, usually excitement personified, could do. He looked as fast as ever and showed the discipline to stick with the game plan as outlined by Freddie Roach. Pacquiao threw decoy punches to the head in order to get Clottey to raise his elbows, and thumped hard shots to the body when Clottey obliged. The right hooks he landed with regularity were brutal, but Clottey would not give up on his obsessive mission: to hear the final bell at all costs.

*****

The undercard that supported the Pacquiao-Clottey fight was wretched even by Top Rank standards. Not only were the matchups dreadful on paper, but they also featured fighters going absolutely nowhere. Shot Jose Luis Castillo, weathered David Diaz, jaded John Duddy, anonymous Michael Medina (whose previous fight had been against an opponent with 49 losses), and a clubfighter, Alfonso Gomez. Only Humberto Soto can be considered a fighter who might be involved in significant bouts in the future. Castillo, Diaz (a hardworking fighter and seemingly one of the nicest guys in boxing), Duddy, and Gomez were unlikely to be on HBO any time soon before “The Event.” So, what exactly was the point behind these fights? If you ask someone like Ron Borges, whose opinion sways according to whomever he is interviewing at the moment, then Top Rank is “marketing” its fighters. Bob Arum certainly has done a wonderful job “building up” fights. Take, for example, his proposed Julio Cesar Chavez Jr.-John Duddy bout. Top Rank has marketed this fight by showcasing his dynamic duo in two excruciatingly dull bouts against nobodies on huge pay-per-view events. Chavez Jr. even saw his boring “W” against Troy Rowland turn into a no-contest after failing his post-fight drug test. Now millions of people have seen how boring and limited Duddy and Chavez Jr. are. On the other hand, because Duddy can be whipped on any given day by anybody with a pulse, it makes all the sense in the world to put him in a fight for a decent paycheck. From that point of view, then, Arum is doing him a serious favor, and if he brings Chavez Jr.-Duddy to Texas, he will certainly wind up in the black because of the large Mexican fan base to draw from. Still, the idea that Arum is “marketing” some of his fighters well by putting them in dull fights against less than ordinary pugs seems awfully silly.

*****

Nothing maligned Gus Johnson has done on Showtime compares to the foolishness Jim Lampley unleashed on the world during the Pacquiao-Clottey bout. His “Bang! Bang!” routine is the boxing equivalent of the Howard Dean shriek. Lampley has the kind of reputation common in boxing: earned easily or not at all. After all, when there are only three or for regular blow-by-blow announcers in the sport, it might not be so hard to make it as “#1.” For years, Lampley has been openly rooting for certain fighters, embellishing the action on the screen, and oftentimes, just plain old making things up. But his performance on Saturday night was beyond the pale. Lampley, who became momentarily unhinged during the Pacquiao-Clottey snoozer–sounded like a crystal meth freak on the mic. Like other hams on the HBO broadcast team–and in the boxing media in general–Lampley wants to be the center of attention as much as possible, and the boring main event unfolding in Cowboys Stadium was depriving his ego of an opportunity to flex on the air. So Lampley simply became a broadcast vigilante and took matters into his own hands.

*****

Readers of The Cruelest Sport know that the boxing media is an easy target for criticism due to its lack of ethics, its dearth of analytical thought, its cheerleading, its purple prose, and its outright stupidity, but BoxingScene.com has transcended its own lowly standards by not only printing pieces by a promoter (Frank Warren) grinding dull axes, but by not bothering to fact check the garbage they post. Warren recently wrote that female boxer Rita Figueroa “died recently as a result of a KO in November last year.” Figueroa, who suffered a subdural hematoma during a bout against Kita Watkins, underwent surgery and is now on the way to recovery. “My team,” she recently told the Los Angeles Times, “I gotta tell you, my team is the reason I’m sitting here talking to you right now.” That Warren made such an outrageous howler is one thing, but for boxingscene.com to print it without correction proves that they do not read what they post. Well, The Cruelest Sport volunteers to fact check, for free, the articles posted on boxingscene.com, that way, at least one website will have some sort of standards. (This offer does not apply to articles written by Lyle Fitzsimmons. That task requires compensation.)

*****

Now that Telefutura is back in the boxing business, everyone can turn cartwheels simultaneously. Thank goodness we will all have the opportunity to see even more mismatches than ever, and, as an added bonus, in Spanish only broadcasts. Not long ago The Cruelest Sport conducted an informal study of televised boxing in 2010 for The Boxing Bulletin and found out that 95% of the bouts are basically predetermined. Here are a few updated figures: out of roughly 50 bouts aired on ESPN2, Showtime, HBO, and FSN/Fox en Espanol so far this year, only three have been upsets. And those “surprises” have been relatively low-profile bouts: Brinkley-Stevens, Rosado-Roman, and Mepranum-Marquez. This means that 94 percent of all televised boxing matches end up as planned. There is no reason to believe, other than blind faith, of course, that fights on Telefutura, delivered exclusively by Golden Boy Promotions, will be any different. Hooray!